For obvious reasons, theres alot of people out there that are afraid of hospitals. Its understandable; its not exactly like its fun to have an array of metal, plastic, and electronic devices mounted onto and shoved into every accessible patch of your body. In fact, some medical procedures seem downright barbaric.
Recently, I spent a night in the emergency room thanks to some super-fun effects from everyone's favourite hearing loss medication, Prednisone. At first I was hesitant to go; the scariness level of hospitals to me is right up there with county fair clowns and congressmen. But after a bit of time, I grew to learn that there are some seriously awesome things about hospitals.
1. The Beds
The beds in a hospital are probably the greatest inventions humans have ever conceived. Essentially, these "beds" are what I imagine would result if Optimus Prime mated with a La-Z-Boy. There is literally no limit to the positions these machines can contort themselves into at the push of a button. There's a sort of awe inspiring power when you realize that the bed you're in is probably capable of doing barrel rolls.
2. Travelling in Style
There is no need to walk in a hospital. Doctors are far more concerned with you resting than having you get up to go places. You'll learn very quickly that its not hard to convince the nurses or lab technicians to push your whole bed to wherever you want to go. It is the ultimate in luxury; if I ever become rich and famous, I am totally buying one of those beds and hiring someone to push me around in it. Not to mention, it is endlessly entertaining to make racecar noises as you cruise through the halls in a gurney. You'll get some weird looks. But its one of those things I'm happy I got to do in life.
3. Classy Aparrel
As a member of the male gene pool, I dont get alot of opportunity to wear bold new styles. Male outfits are so typical and bland; a suit-and-tie for business occasions, and jeans and a t-shirt for everything else. Hospitals are a chance to explore more eccentric styles. Its what I presume to be the only place I will ever be encouraged to wear a blue floral backless gown. And just in case the free moo-moo wasn't quite enough high-fashion for you, they even help you accesorize. You get stickers to go all over your chest and legs, a fancy bracelet with your name on it, and even some neat-o wires and tubes here and there to add boldness to the style. Finally, you get a brand new pair of neon orange socks which were presumably former NASA prototypes at gravity boots. These socks have better treads than any shoes I have ever worn; you cannot slip in them. It is simply not an option. Altogether, this look was probably me at my sexiest. Its for the best that no pictures of me from that night exist; the attractiveness factor may just have exceeded the limit my female readers could have handled.
All in all, thoughts of the ER dont have to be all bad. As with all things, there are upsides. Life can only be fun if you focus on the good aspects of the situation you are in. Maybe someday you'll end up getting wheeled around a hospital in a robo-bed, and you'll remember this post.
Make a racecar noise.
I promise. Its worth it.
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