Sudden hearing loss is one of those regions of medicine that there is still a lot of mystery surrounding. Even experts in hearing and audiology seem to shy away from the issue, since people really aren't sure about the causes. They do however, seem to have a common course of action for patients such as myself. It is called "Prednisone".
Prednisone sounds so inert, and so calm. It sounds like something you might take if your head cold starts getting in the way of your focus at work, or to wipe on your skin in the evenings to prevent mild acne outbreaks from becoming nightmarish Freddie-Kruger masks. But no, Prednisone is much more than that.
Prednisone is what I imagine it would be like to drink a cocktail of bull testosterone, caffeine, weight-gain pills, and Peyote, all at once. It is an energetic, hallucenogenic, nervous mess of biological instinct. 60 mg of this stuff, and you're set for a day of healthy, primal adventure. If you're a fan of nervous panicking, uncontrollable shaking, and receiving philosophical advice from the nearby furniture, ask your doctor about Prednisone.
Doctors swear by the stuff. All of the specialists which I have visited have suggested the same treatment, and every online medical journal I have seen seems to agree. "Its your best shot at hearing again, Alex", they all say. I am all for hearing. I enjoyed hearing thoroughly. So I comply. I turn back to becoming Alex's inner beast man; jittering, eating, giggling, and actively seeking a marathon to sprint through.
But I must admit, there are only so many nights that a person can freak out and spin around in circles while screaming lyrics to old Foghat albums and nervously scratching grooves in the drywall with their fingernails before they begin to wonder whether these side effects are really worth the effort.
But Aha! There is a wonder cure for the wonder cure! Like the old lady who swallowed the fly, we've just gotta pile on some more pills to fix the problems! Isn't medicine fun?
This is where Ativan comes in. Ativan is the archenemy of Prednisone, and when they get together it is like the glorious climax to an old 1950's B-Reel where the two giant plastic monsters fight it out. One contains more potential energy than an undetonated hydrogen bomb, just reeling to release itself. The other is a sedative strong enough to bring down a coked-up elephant. The stage is set for action. Godzilla and Mothra have got nothing on this stuff.
Eventually, the Ativan wins every time. It is like an 800 pound wrestler sitting on your chest. I don't care how manly all the steroid in the Prednisone makes you feel. A few milligrams of Ativan, and it quickly becomes time for bed. But this is no ordinary sleep. This sleep is, for all intents and purposes the basis of the 2010 film "Inception". This is no exaggeration; last night I literally dreamt about going to sleep.
This of course leads to a final problem. While I am on Ativan, my only thoughts are rest. The times of day where I am able to function are limited to the times when the effects of the Ativan are fading, making me only slightly drowsy. During these times, I pile on one final cure. Caffeine. Without tea, I wouldn't be writing this post. In fact, I'd probably still be dreaming about dreaming. Its peaceful, but I'm slightly afraid that I may be losing touch with reality the more I sleep and sleep and sleep. I wouldn't want to wake up one day and find out that I'm talking to my shoes WITHOUT the help of Prednisone. So I instead write long-winded posts to stay sane.
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